To be honest I know that the happiest and most inspired times in my life were when I believed in something completely. Or someone. But my heart takes that belief and while soaring with it, is also depressed by all the moments between miracles, when you wonder why you believe. You curse yourself for it. Most of the time those beliefs converge. They produce. Sometimes they don't but usually.
And in an objective way it would be better to ride that up and down than always be down....
I've been saying all this for years. Seems I still have no faith. And while I suddenly want to believe I'd have to decide who it is that I believe in first.
What is a trial of faith if you don't believe in anything?
Perhaps it is an endurance test of the soul.
Or perhaps it's just a mirrored room: no beginning, no ending, no directions, only reflections and repetition.
And a hope that there's something outside those walls.
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