Fact of Life Attacks Again

I realized 2 things while I was walking to work this morning.

1:) I listen a lot, but I don't often reach out to talk to people. And the ones I love, when I wish I could talk to them more, I don't often do anything about it.

2:) People are mortal. I knew I was mortal, I'm gonna die. But my boss, my friends, well, I know they're gonna die, too.

I've had both of these realizations before, but today, there was a new spin on them. They were fresh again. Specifically, I thought not "What if," but "What are we gonna say about him when he's dead?" Not "He might die," but "What am I gonna do, gonna say, how am I going to change, when he dies?"

To me, mortality is a pretty good reason to be honest. I mean, I try really hard, and I can usually avoid lying. I can dodge the truth, but I generally try to be straightforward. Trying to also be positive generally means that I don't have to worry about hurting anyone's feelings when I'm honest.

But morality is not the point, here.

Mortality is. It's not really a question of if, or how, but who first, and when? I'm satisfied with my life, but everybody else? Will they be satisfied? Will they go in peace? Will they be satisfied with me?

Can't get it out of my head. "What would he say to me if he were dying in my arms? What am I gonna say or do when he's gone?"