I feel like lots of crazy.
Like impulsivenesses

There are waves of excitement that swell up and make me feel like doing something and I know that this is just frustration, but I don't know where it camefrom.Maybe myinabilitytocommunicate? Maybe love? Maybe teaching? I mean, what the hell, I'm not a frustrated person, I'm not angry or upset about anything.
Comes and goes, comes and goes, swell and crash, dissipate
repeat
swell and crash, dissipate
repeat
I feel like screaming and like breaking something. And I feel like kissing someone, holding someone, being held back, leaning in to gaze into your eyes so close I can smell the fresh scent of whatever it is you use on your hair.
And I feel like saying "fuck you" and I get these random impulses to throwmyself facefirst intosomething hardorsharpanddangerous-looking.
I feel like running as fast as I can away from this place, but more importantly, towards nothing.
I feel like singing, and I want to sing all kinds of things like Manson, Anti-Flag, Fall-Out Boy, Armstrong, Man of La Mancha
I feel like ignoring people, but I do that anyway. I feel like messaging a bunch of people, and stalking them on facebook or cyworld or whatever.
I want to write and paint and tear it all up again, maybe I'll throw this computer out my window when I'm finished typing this.
Swell, crash, dissipate swellcrashdissipateswellcrashdissipateswellcrashdissipate
withdraw from everyone
All this crazy, and I don't knwo where it comes from or what I'm supposed to do with it but I'm so tired of ignoring it, of keeping it all in, of listening to it and myself, of shaking and being so polite and listening to boring conversations and meeting new people.
I want to just lay on my back on the roof until the stars come out and I fall asleep. Why can't I get on the roof here?
I love my apartment.
I wanna scream really loud from the top of it, and then jump off, and see someone's face as they watch me fly.....
I'm so fed up, wtf is this?